Ifeoluwa Dada
Hey, I know the picture that comes to mind at the mention of the word violence is a behaviour involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something, but there is the other kind of violence I want us to talk about here. Its emotional violence or call it psychological abuse.
Has anyone ever subject or expose you to a gesture that left you with anxiety, depression, and psychological trauma? Those are forms of emotional violence. They might seem too many as regular part of our everyday life but they aren’t supposed to be, especially with the fact that their consequences can be long term and of damaging effects.
Emotional abuse is usually the breeding ground for physical violence and we can’t just wish it away, but what then can we do?
The smartest place to start with is with you.
HEALTHY SELF ESTEEM: Self esteem is your evaluation of your worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as attitude towards oneself. For anyone not to be at the receiving end of emotional violence there is need to have a right valuation of his or her self worth. What is your true worth? How do you feel about yourself? What is your estimation of yourself? The essential thing here is that you don’t think negative of yourself. Sometimes, people don’t even realise that they are thinking so negatively about themselves. But once you are aware of it, and know that the way you think is up to you, you can begin to change the way you think. And changing the way you think about yourself changes the way you feel about yourself. This will empower you not to throw yourself around to be abused or used.
ICYMI: Like Buhari, Like Atiku
Healthy self esteem is important as researches have proven that most persons get emotionally violated in their quest to get emotional approval. You really don’t need to throw yourself around looking for kind words or love.
Make yourself a person of value and think value of yourself. Avoid insecurity. Insecurity is one of the fallouts of lack of self esteem; it is almost inevitably when an individual lacks a healthy self esteem. It means feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable or inferior in some way or a sense of vulnerability or instability which threatens one’s self-image or ego.
Persons with negative self image and bruised ego are ready playgrounds for emotional violence. As we grew up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thought towards ourselves and other.
Again I say, make yourself a person of value and you don’t have to feel threatened by the success of others. That constant bragging style and nagging complaints are proofs of your insecurity. Painful early life experiences in which we witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or those close to us are also cause of insecurity. Statements like ‘you are stupid’ ‘you are a failure’ ‘you are a loser’ ‘what’s the point in trying’ ‘you will never accomplish anything’ and other negative statements have potency to walk into the psyche of human and wrought damage here. But those statements are not true about you no matter whose mouth they came out from. Your true worth is in who you are, not what anyone calls and you are responsible to create the worth of you.
Draw the line. To what extent are you willing to sail along with persons with abusive, offensive and dominant behaviour? How long will you continue with that overprotective partner who always prevent you from reaching other love ones? You really have to cut abusive relationships if you won’t continue as a lab rat. If someone is prolific at deliberately hurting your feelings, throwing dirty tantrums, abusive words and gestures at you, then you might have to cut him or her out. Note that it is your right to feel right and you shouldn’t place too much importance on externals to feel right. It is essentially about you. Why remain in a relationship where your partner sees you as nothing than a sex toy?
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: You need the ability to identify your own emotions and the emotions of others. You need to understand, manage, and effectively express your feelings. You must be able to reduce negative emotions, this is important as it allows you to swiftly change the way you feel about a situation.
Another way is to avoid negative personalization; when you feel bad about someone’s action, avoid jumping to a negative conclusion right away. For instance, I may be tempted to think my friend didn’t return my call because she’s is ignoring me, or I can consider the possibility that she’s been very busy. When you avoid personalising other people’s behaviours, we can perceive their expression more objectively and understand that they do what they do because of us. Widening your perspective can reduce the possibility of misunderstanding.
AVOID OFFENCES: In truth, the absence of offences or conflict in human daily interactions is almost impossible. The possibility of offending and being offended can’t be ruled out but what we make out of it is essential to how we feel afterward.
Friend, we do a lot of harm to ourselves when we refuse to let go of negative past or conducts of people. You must choose to forgive or at least forget in order to get rid of the possibilities of running into depression.
You have a right to feel right, choose right.
